甘える "Positive Dependence"
「甘える」という言葉は英語にしづらい言葉です。なぜなら、おそらく英語圏には存在しない概念だから。
「甘える」というのは、赤ん坊が親に甘えるように、相手に受け入れられる安心感の中で自分を預けること。日本では大人同士の関係でも自然に起きることで、関係の深さの証でもあります。
人に甘えられるということは、その分、個人の孤独やプレッシャーが軽減するということでもあります。
同時に、甘えられる側になることもあるわけで、親が子供の面倒を見るように、他人の人生に少し関わらなければいけない不自由さもあります。それこそ「お互い様」なので、助け合って生きていく、という考え方です。
近年は日本社会全体が西洋化してきている面もあって、昔ほど「甘える」が当然ではなくなり、個人の責任を追求する声も大きくなっていますが、西洋に比べればまだまだ。
「個人の自由」が少なく鬱陶しい、という側面と、「個人への責任追求」が軽くて救われる、という側面と両方あります。
皆さんは、どちらが良いですか？
いろは
Amae — a word that doesn't exist in English.
And perhaps the reason is this: the concept itself may not exist in the English-speaking world.
Amae — to lean on someone, to let yourself be held by another person's goodwill — is the feeling a baby has with its mother. That sense of safety, of being fully accepted, and within that safety, allowing yourself to rest in someone else's care. In Japan, this happens naturally between adults too. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of closeness.
To be able to amae — to have someone to lean on — means that some of the loneliness and pressure of life is shared. Carried together, rather than alone.
And of course, it works both ways. To be leaned on is also part of it — like a parent caring for a child, you become involved in another person's life in ways that aren't always convenient. But that is precisely what otagai sama means: we are all in this together. We lean, and we are leaned upon.
In recent years, Japanese society has become more Westernised in this regard. Individual responsibility is increasingly emphasised, and the assumption that amae is simply how things work has begun to fade. But compared to the West, it is still very much present.
There are two sides to it. Less individual freedom — which can feel suffocating. But also less individual blame — which can feel like relief.
Which would you prefer?
Iroha
